A Blessed Fall
by LadyDivine91
Summary: Watching Aziraphale fall breaks Crowley's heart. For Aziraphale, however, it's a beautiful experience - birth and death, transformation, and a new beginning all wrapped up in one. Because he's not alone. Aziraphale x Crowley


Crowley gazes lovingly at his angel's naked body – a glorious sight he thought he might never see. He leans in to kiss the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine. The smile he wears as he watches Aziraphale's breathing slow, his breathing settle, is genuine, but bittersweet in nature. He's proud of his angel. Proud of how he's chosen to handle things. Proud to be with him.

He just wishes things could have turned out another way.

Aziraphale looks different now. So terribly different. His curly white locks have become silver-grey. A dashing silver-grey, Crowley feels. They lend color to his face, make him appear less pale, less ethereal.

Less _untouchable_.

That naïve blush of rose in his lips and cheeks has blossomed into a fiery stain, washing away any hint of innocence that once existed before. But the most obvious change has been his angel's eyes. They've gone black from the whites straight through the blues. A shiny, silky black, like an oil slick.

It's not unattractive. It's just going to take some getting used to.

"How do you feel, angel?" Crowley whispers. His word usage may seem unusual, all things considered, but he refuses to stop calling Aziraphale _angel_. When he started, it wasn't so much a nickname but an indicator of what Aziraphale was, the boundary that existed ever between them.

6000 years later, it means so much more.

"I feel … sleepy … _sore_," Aziraphale teases, hugging his pillow beneath him and giggling like a fool.

_At least he's a happy fool,_ Crowley thinks, his smile trembling at the corners.

"I should imagine so. That happens the first time, or so I've been told."

"You mean you don't know?" Aziraphale asks, and Crowley's smile trembles a little more. Aziraphale may not look as innocent as he did, but it's still there, buried deep inside.

"I don't. This was a first for both of us," Crowley reassures him. He runs his nails lightly down Aziraphale's back, skirting his shoulders, avoiding the shattered nubs of broken wings. He closes his eyes and pictures Aziraphale's wings as they were – strong, graceful arches of pristine white feathers towering over his head, shielding him from the rain.

His wings will grow back, albeit a different color.

Unfortunately, them coming in will hurt twice as much as him losing them.

He told Aziraphale that. Warned him. He didn't want to. He wanted to put it off, give Aziraphale time to adjust before he came at him with more bad news. But Aziraphale asked him, begged him not to lie to him even for his sake. So Crowley told him, explained it in detail the way he remembered it, Aziraphale looking at him the entire time with sadness creasing his brow. Crowley thought Aziraphale had been devastated by his description, maybe frightened by the thought of more pain. But Aziraphale put a hand to his demon's cheek and said, "Oh, you poor dear."

"Wha-what? What are you talking about?"

"So alone. So scared. So full of doubt. That wasn't right. Wasn't right at all." Aziraphale smiled. "At least I'll have you here beside me. I wish I could have been there for you."

Then Crowley grabbed Aziraphale's hand and kissed it to keep from losing the last bit of strength he had left.

Crowley didn't particularly want to be reminded of falling, but it wasn't the kind of thing he could forget. He didn't need Aziraphale falling to trigger it. It would be easy to distance himself from Aziraphale now. Maybe that was what the Almighty was counting on when She pulled this little trick.

Finally separating them for good.

That's what started this anyhow.

The worst part is Aziraphale would understand.

He'd forgive him.

But Crowley couldn't do that to Aziraphale. No matter what happened between them, he could never abandon Aziraphale. Not when his angel truly needed him. Crowley may be many things. He's vain beyond belief. He may even be a coward on occasion. But he loved Aziraphale more than he loved himself.

He couldn't leave him.

Crowley fell from Grace because he'd asked questions. Too many questions. He was a menace with questions.

Aziraphale didn't fall because they'd made love to one another. That actually came after. A celebration of sorts.

Aziraphale fell because he said _no_ to God.

He'd received an express post envelope that morning from Gabriel – one of the Archangel's long-winded letters pretentiously printed in gold ink on white parchment. It read, "_Principality Aziraphale: It has come to the Almighty's attention that you have been conspiring with a demon of Hell (_because, of course, there are demons of other places, Aziraphale had joked to himself, such as Waitrose and the laundromat_) by the name of Crawly for the entirety of your assigned years on Earth. After lengthy consideration by a congregation of your superiors, this has been deemed fraternizing with the enemy, a crime that carries with it a substantial penalty. It is therefore required by the home office that you cease all communication with said demon immediately or suffer the consequences._

_Sincerely;_

_Gabriel_

_Archangel"_

Aziraphale rolled his eyes as he snapped his fingers and sent back a message of his own that read, _"Dear Archangel Gabriel: I apologize but I find I must decline your recent request on the grounds that it is wholly unreasonable and unnecessary. Nothing with regard to my relationship with the demon Anthony J Crowley makes me unfit or incapable of doing my job on Earth as outlined in its description. Neither has it for the past six plus millennia, as evidenced by my list of accomplishments (see attached). Therefore I see no reason to terminate said relationship as a requirement for me to continue my duties. Thank you, however, for your concern. It is duly noted. If there is a fine that I must pay for my perceived insubordination, please let me know what it is so that I may appeal it expeditiously through the appropriate channels._

_Sincerely;_

_Aziraphale_

_Principality"_

Aziraphale felt no fear nor hesitation in sending that message off, even with the knowledge that it could be forwarded to God Herself. He'd done nothing wrong. He had no intention of shirking his angelic duties. He never had. But he also had no intention of giving up the one thing on Earth that was his and his alone - his lifelong friendship with Crowley. Being friends with a demon didn't make him a lesser angel, and as such, he didn't feel he should be forced to make a choice.

Aziraphale waited for a response, but when he received none, he put the matter out of his mind.

Later that evening, while drinking with Crowley in his bookshop, he felt an odd pain in his chest. It hit him hard like a hammer straight to the ribcage, radiating to his shoulders and down his torso, filling every limb with white hot pain. Were he mortal, he might have thought he were having a heart attack. He'd never experienced anything like it before. It felt like a fork digging through his insides, trying to tear him apart.

Crowley seemed to know it for what it was just by looking at him. He ran to the angel's side and took his hand as Aziraphale slid off the sofa and fell to the floor, writhing in agony. Crowley caught his gaze and locked on to it, determined not to let go, even when the fire beneath Aziraphale's flesh began to burn him as well.

"Stay with me," Crowley whispered. "It's going to be all right. I promise. But whatever you do, don't give in to it. Don't let it destroy you."

"I … I won't …" Aziraphale said, anchoring his gaze to the serpent eyes in front of him, using them to keep him grounded.

Then the world went black and all he could feel was pain.

Pain and Crowley's hand holding his.

But now, lying beside Crowley on his enormous mattress, Aziraphale doesn't feel any different - apart from the throbbing in his back where his wings have been singed off. Which is to say he doesn't feel _Evil_. Ironically, he feels that his capacity for love, for compassion, may have even grown somewhat. If that's a side-effect, if it's temporary, only time will tell. But he should find a way to use that for as long as it lasts.

Crowley had said that a demon could get in real trouble for doing the right thing, but he's been performing blessings for thousands of years. Aziraphale needs to find out how Crowley has been able to manage it without getting caught. He definitely sees the opportunity to exploit a few loopholes.

He finds himself getting excited just thinking about it.

The act of falling, the physical manifestation of it, is what he'd always imagined birth and dying feeling like, only in reverse. There are things he'll miss about being an angel. Absolutely there are things he'll miss. But he's choosing not to think of those right now. He's gone through a transformation, a new stage in his existence. He's metamorphosed, become a dark butterfly. And at the other end of his fall was Crowley, kissing his forehead, murmuring words of encouragement ...

… even praying for his safe return.

Before he'd opened his eyes, he heard Crowley say that he'd love him forever. He'd take care of him, stand beside no matter what he turned into, and Aziraphale couldn't help grinning.

It sounded like a wedding vow.

But the oddest thing of all is the thing he'd feared the most – he doesn't feel God's love any less than he had before. He thought for sure it had been torn from him in the process of falling and that there'd be a void, but it was still there. He may be mistaken, but it feels that way.

Maybe because he has Crowley with him, loving him enough for both God and himself.

All in all, along with making love to his demon, falling has actually been a beautiful experience.

_Fancy_.

"Are you … are you scared?" Crowley asks.

"No," Aziraphale says without pausing to think, wiping at the worry on Crowley's face with a kiss on the lips. "Not a whit."

"How …?" Crowley shakes his head, his voice dissolving with every word "… how can you say that? Everything you had, the life you knew … it's all over."

"It's not _all_ over. Stop being such an alarmist." Aziraphale rests his forehead against Crowley's and scrunches his nose, trying to lure a smile from his demon. "Listen - are you willing to stay with me, dear boy?"

"Every minute."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Crowley sniffs. "I … I swear."

"Then I choose not to see this as an ending" - Aziraphale pulls Crowley down beside him and wraps his arms around him - "but the beginning of a great adventure."


End file.
